Wednesday, March 23, 2011

No strings attached

This is hard. I'm just going to throw this out there and try not to worry about typos, grammar and the ongoing search for the perfect sentence structure. I get caught up in my own head too much, which stops me from writing here. I haven't posted since September. Not because life has been totally boring. With 2 young boys, a full time job and a husband, it is anything but.

I want to write here. I want to have a place to capture my thoughts, life experiences, etc. I want to be better able to capture snapshots of my children's lives, and I don't scrapbook often enough for that to be sufficient.

I want to be a part of this community. I don't want to get caught up in the drama, although it can be fun to watch from afar. But I love seeing the relationships that the blogging community has fostered. The women and men who's writings I follow speak to me so deeply. I learn from them. I cry when someone is hurting. I laugh out loud at the foibles of others. I've donated money to those in need. They inspire me every day.

I feel like I know a lot of these people IRL, but I don't. Because I don't participate.

The reasons that I rarely post are varied, but largely boil down to nerves and self-confidence (lack thereof). My thoughts never seem to translate to the page the way I hear it in my head, so I just don't bother. When faced with a blank post or an empty Twitter box, I freeze up. What if it isn't good enough? What if I get mocked. Being ignored doesn't bother me, but I don't have a very thick skin...the thought of someone posting something mean or even just misunderstanding what I'm saying makes me nervous.

I love to read though. I read blogs and Twitter feeds voraciously. I come here for product recommendations, TV show recaps, gossip and a glimpse into the every day lives of others. I come here for the human touch, the humor and the tears.

I'm also lazy. I write for a living - medical, science-y stuff that also has to pass muster with my clients. Stuff that has to be perfect, lest we miss a data point, incorrectly describe a MOA or provide incorrect recommendations. That is tiring. So, when I'm back online at the end of the day, I want to be able to just write with no strings attached. But I always attach those strings anyway and they keep me tied to my silence.

So, in an effort to put myself out there. I'm just going to hit publish. Maybe.

Edited to add: I also know that this is self indulgent. With all that is going on in the world, I know that my writer's block (or chicken shittedness, if you will) is at the very bottom of the heap.


Nanette said...

Oh, man. I know. I KNOW.

I've been doing this for nearly 7 years, and I KNOW.

It's hard to read such great blogs, filled with wit and touching sentiments, and not compare your own entries and blog presence to them.

I tell myself just to freakin' DO IT, and yet...

P.S. Even with everything going on in the world, you are well within your right to feel the way you do and share those thoughts with us. :)


One Desperate Mom said...

Hey. I just clicked on your link from the Curvy Girls swimsuit give away. I hope we win.

I didn't even know you were blogging. It's been nearly a year. You can do it.

You're so funny and thoughtful.

Miss and love you girl.